February Focus: Healthy Relationships Month

February is widely recognized as Healthy Relationships Month — a time to reflect on building strong, respectful, and safe relationships with partners, family, and friends. While Valentine’s Day often highlights romance, true relationship wellness requires something deeper:

Clarity.
Responsibility.
Healthy limits.

One of the foundational books I often recommend in this area is Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

A Christian-Integrated Resource

Boundaries is written by Christian authors and integrates biblical principles throughout the book. The authors draw from Scripture alongside psychological insight to explain responsibility, freedom, consequences, and relational health.

If you appreciate a faith-informed perspective on emotional and relational wellness, this integration can be very meaningful.

For those who do not identify as Christian, it’s worth noting that the book includes a significant number of Bible references. Some of my non-Christian clients have shared that they felt slightly uncomfortable with the volume of Scripture included. However, many of them still found the psychological insights practical and helpful despite that.

I always encourage readers to approach the material thoughtfully and take what is useful for their growth.

My Personal Experience with This Book

Boundaries was one of the first relationship books I read as a young adult navigating the world of dating and trying to figure out how to work through relationships in a personally healthy way.

At the time, I struggled deeply with knowing when it was okay to say “no.” Saying no often felt disrespectful. I worried that setting limits meant I was being selfish, unkind, or dishonoring the other person.

This book gave me language I didn’t have before.

It helped me understand:

• The difference between love and compliance
  
  

• The difference between sacrifice and self-neglect
  
  

• That saying no can actually protect love
  
  

Later, I read Boundaries with Kids, which was incredibly helpful during my early years working as a mentor and paraprofessional with children and adolescents. It strengthened my understanding of consequences, responsibility, and how structure actually creates safety.

These principles shaped not only my personal life, but also my development as a therapist.

Core Concepts of the Book

The central question of Boundaries is:

What am I responsible for — and what am I not?

The authors teach that boundaries are not walls to shut people out.
They are property lines that define where one person ends and another begins.

The book explores:

• Why we struggle to say no
  
  

• How guilt influences decision-making
  
  

• The difference between helping and enabling
  
  

• Why resentment is often a signal that a boundary is missing
  
  

• How to allow natural consequences without controlling others
  
  

Why This Matters in Relationships

In marriage and family therapy, I often see patterns like:

• One partner over-functioning
  
  

• One partner under-functioning
  
  

• Emotional exhaustion building quietly
  
  

• Conflict rooted in unclear expectations
  
  

Boundaries restore balance.

They clarify:

• What is mine to work on
  
  

• What is yours to own
  
  

• Where love ends and control begins
  
  

Healthy relationships require both grace and responsibility.

Who This Book Is Best For

This book may be especially helpful for:

✔️ Married couples
✔️ Dating couples
✔️ Parents
✔️ Adult children navigating family dynamics
✔️ Church leaders
✔️ People who struggle with people-pleasing
✔️ Anyone experiencing resentment or burnout

A Balanced Perspective

Because this book integrates Scripture throughout, I recommend it with clarity.

For those who value Christian theology woven into relational growth, this book often resonates deeply.

For those who prefer a fully secular framework, there may be other boundary resources that feel more aligned — though many still find this book insightful and practical.

As with most growth resources, wisdom involves discernment.

Final Thoughts

Healthy love is not the absence of limits.

It is love practiced with clarity.

Boundaries are not about pushing people away.
They are about defining responsibility so that love can remain sustainable.

This February — as we reflect on Healthy Relationships Month — consider whether unclear boundaries might be contributing to tension in your relationships.

Strong, respectful, and safe relationships require more than affection.

They require ownership.

If you’d like to explore how boundaries can strengthen your marriage or family, feel free to reach out.

And don’t forget — I’m giving away two copies this month. Check out the giveaway details on Instagram and Facebook.