By Aaron Collins, LMFT - Sunday April 27, 

In the therapy office, I have the privilege of listening to, understanding, and helping people work through their struggles. Many of my clients experience significant stress related to how they are treated by family members, spouses, friends, and coworkers.
As I guide them through processing these stressors, sometimes clients share insights and strategies that have helped them cope.

Recently, more than one client mentioned a book titled "The Let Them Theory" by Mel Robbins.
The core idea of the Let Them Theory is simple but powerful:
It encourages you to let people think, feel, express, and behave the way they want to — without taking it personally. It’s about not getting emotionally hijacked by others, and not letting someone else’s lack of peace disrupt your own.

At its heart, the Let Them Theory teaches that you are responsible for maintaining your own emotional stability, not for managing the reactions, opinions, or behaviors of others.

Robbins introduces the concept as a two-part mindset tool:

• Let Them:
  Allow people to think, feel, express, and behave as they choose without trying to control or change them. This approach helps reduce stress and emotional turmoil by accepting that others' actions are beyond your control.
  
  

• Let Me:
  Focus on what you can control — your reactions, decisions, and well-being. This shift empowers you to take responsibility for your own life and happiness.
  
  

Does the Bible Support the Let Them Theory?

While the Let Them Theory seems reasonably helpful from a therapeutic perspective, I found myself wondering: Is it biblical?
As I reflected, here are some key ways the Bible supports similar ideas:

• Free Will:
  God gives people freedom to choose. ("Choose this day whom you will serve…" – Joshua 24:15)
  
  

• Jesus Let People Walk Away:
  Jesus allowed people, like the rich young ruler, to walk away without chasing after them (Mark 10:17–22).
  
  

• Healthy Boundaries:
  Proverbs teaches, "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him" (Proverbs 26:4).
  
  

• Dusting Off Your Feet:
  Jesus instructed His disciples to move on when people rejected them (Matthew 10:14).
  
  

• Inner Peace:
  "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18)
  
  

What I take from this is that you don't have to let others’ actions dictate or hijack your behavior.
You have free will.
You can walk away.
You can set boundaries.
You can dust off your feet and move forward.
You can have inner peace that does not rise and fall based on how others treat you.

Where the Let Them Theory Might Conflict with Biblical Teaching

While the Let Them Theory offers helpful emotional tools, if taken without discernment, it could easily drift into ideas that the Bible warns against, such as:

• Hardness of Heart:
  Instead of loving and forgiving, a hardened heart can become cold and closed off (Ephesians 4:32).
  
  

• Bitterness:
  Holding resentment instead of offering grace (Hebrews 12:15).
  
  

• Avoidance Instead of Reconciliation:
  Avoiding difficult conversations instead of pursuing peace and restoration when appropriate (Matthew 18:15-17).
  
  

• Neglecting Love and Compassion:
  Love is patient and kind, not easily dismissive (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).
  
  

In short, while the Let Them Theory can prevent emotional hijacking, strictly following it without balancing it with biblical wisdom may lead toward pride, selfishness, isolation, bitterness, and fear of reconnection.

Conclusion

In conclusion, when used responsibly and graciously, the Let Them Theory seems to be a helpful way to cope with the harshness and stress of things that are outside of our control. It invites us to focus more fully on trusting God, which may look different depending on the situation.

When we "let them" and place our trust in God, we can direct our energy toward our own healing, growth, strengthening, and moving forward — rather than staying stuck trying to fix, change, or control others.

Overall, the Let Them Theory offers helpful insights, but as with all teachings, it is important to test everything against the truth and guidance of Scripture.

Disclaimer:
These ideas are the personal reflections of Aaron Collins, LMFT.
If you would like to schedule a therapy session, please click the "Request Appointment" tab on our website at www.akuafamilytherapy.net.