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Turning Toward Each Other: Building Connection Through Life’s Challenges
Turning Toward Each Other: Building Connection Through Life’s Challenges
Every marriage faces seasons of struggle. Whether you and your spouse are navigating grief, past trauma, parenting stress, or the emotional distance that can build over time, you are not alone. It is possible to rebuild connection, restore closeness, and deepen trust—even after loss or life’s hardest challenges. In this post, we’ll explore how couples can intentionally turn toward each other and foster healing using emotionally corrective experiences, supported by Scripture and the A.R.E. framework from Emotionally Focused Therapy.
Understanding Emotional Distance in Marriage
Understanding Emotional Distance in Marriage
When one or both partners experience trauma, loss, or unhealed grief, certain protective patterns may emerge:
Withdrawing emotionally
Seeking comfort from sources other than the marriage (such as children, friends, or distractions)
Focusing on unmet needs or disappointments
Avoiding physical or sexual touch
Repeating cycles of complaint without appreciation
These patterns are understandable responses to pain, but over time, they can create greater emotional isolation. The good news: connection can be restored through small, intentional acts of turning toward each other.
Turning Toward Each Other: The A.R.E. Framework
Turning Toward Each Other: The A.R.E. Framework
Dr. Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy model describes key ingredients of secure bonding:
Accessible – Can I reach you when I need you?
Responsive – Will you respond to my emotions?
Engaged – Are you emotionally and physically present with me?
These qualities can be rebuilt moment by moment, offering each other safe opportunities for healing.
Biblical Encouragement for Love and Connection
Biblical Encouragement for Love and Connection
Scripture encourages us to embody these principles:
“Encourage one another and build each other up.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” – Romans 12:10
“Let all that you do be done in love.” – 1 Corinthians 16:14
“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” – Proverbs 16:24
“Two are better than one… If either of them falls, one can help the other up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
7 Practical Steps to Rebuild Emotional and Physical Connection
7 Practical Steps to Rebuild Emotional and Physical Connection
1. Ask for Connection Gently
1. Ask for Connection Gently
Use soft start-up: “I’ve been missing our closeness. Could we hold hands tonight?”
Express needs with kindness, not criticism.
2. Show Appreciation Often
2. Show Appreciation Often
Name small efforts: “Thank you for sitting close to me.”
Appreciation reinforces positive moments.
3. Respond with Engagement
3. Respond with Engagement
When your spouse reaches for you emotionally or physically, pause and respond.
Let your presence communicate: “I see you. I’m here.”
4. Include the Family in Warm Connection
4. Include the Family in Warm Connection
Group hugs
Holding hands during prayer
Family snuggle or movie time
Tickle games or back rub chains
Sitting close on the couch
5. Be Gentle with Complaints
5. Be Gentle with Complaints
Focus on requests, not accusations.
“I would feel so loved if…” instead of “You never…”
6. Recognize the Impact of Grief and Trauma
6. Recognize the Impact of Grief and Trauma
Grief and trauma can block connection.
Offer grace and patience, while also moving toward each other in small ways.
7. Create Corrective Experiences
7. Create Corrective Experiences
Small moments of safety, touch, and comfort rewire the heart.
Every kind word or gentle touch can heal old wounds.
Closing Encouragement
Closing Encouragement
Every marriage faces seasons of loss, grief, and emotional distance. But Scripture reminds us:
Every marriage faces seasons of loss, grief, and emotional distance. But Scripture reminds us:
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” – 1 Corinthians 13:7-8
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” – 1 Corinthians 13:7-8
As you both take small steps of appreciation, gentle requests, touch, and presence, you create space for new connection and lasting healing. You are not alone in this work—God’s Spirit is with you, strengthening your bond day by day.
As you both take small steps of appreciation, gentle requests, touch, and presence, you create space for new connection and lasting healing. You are not alone in this work—God’s Spirit is with you, strengthening your bond day by day.
If you and your spouse are navigating grief, trauma, or disconnection, we can help. Learn more about couples therapy at Akua Family Therapy and start your journey toward renewed connection today.
If you and your spouse are navigating grief, trauma, or disconnection, we can help. Learn more about couples therapy at Akua Family Therapy and start your journey toward renewed connection today.
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